Gentle
by Jessiy Landroz
Summary: Mikey wondering about leadership... [One Shot]


White, clear, innocent and pure.

That's what they say when they describe snow.

Mostly, they don't want to say _cold_ or _heartless_, because snow is all of that and more. I inhaled deeply before releasing my tight breath, watching the soft cloud form before me. It's midnight, and I'm sitting here on the haystack, at the barn, just looking around. Last time we came here, Leo had hurt himself, got ambushed by the Foot, and almost died.

I was at the top floor, where the haystacks are rounded up, since there aren't any animals here, I don't have to worry about feeding any mouth. I rubbed my head, tugged at my bandana's tail and twirled it around my thick, green finger. My bandana's tail was long, and I like it long. I sighed, I gazed at the stars through the barn's window.

White in Japan is the color of sadness, yet it's also the color of wedding dresses. Snow is called innocent, like the laughter of a child, pure and gentle as well. Snow is cold and merciless, just like life, it's all that and more, just like I've said to myself before. I shook my head, reminiscing over this is pointless. I snuggled into the haystack for warmth.

Lazing back on my shell, I eyed the starlit sky, and the tiny, fluffy dots of snow started falling. I relaxed, the cool breeze blew just a little more, and I shivered, for white is also the color of death, somehow just like black. I think black is the cold, cruel way to describe death, while white is lighter, more merciful. I closed my eyes and pillowed my arm, I decided to take a nap.

The night is long, and I'm cold blooded, so getting some sleep won't be a problem, as long as I don't freeze to death.

"Mikey?" I heard his voice, but I tried not to stir, "Why are ya here? Tryin' to catch yer death of cold?"

"Go away, Raph." I sighed, I decided to bury myself under the haystack.

I heard Raph groan, "You aint no needle, shell-for-brain! Get outta there and get yer ass inside where it's warm!" he argued.

"Go Away, Raph." I grouched, and put my hands on my head, not wanting to listen to him.

For a moment, I thought he left, but then there was a shuffle near me, and I think he sat on the haystack. I felt nice and warm under the hay, it kept in the heat, and it was kinda snug, if only some straws didn't poke and tickle me here and there. Raph sat there for a good two or three minutes, before I felt his fingertip run up and down my calf, tickling me.

"Wah!" I yelped, stifling a laugh, I slapped his hand and frowned at his smug face, not helping the smile, "Knock it off, it tickles!"

He chuckled, and slyly smirked, "You don't say?"

I gawked, "Uh Oh!" I quickly leaped into the haystack again.

"Come out, come out, where ever you are!" Raph chimed and leaped after me.

I grinned, it's not usual for Raph to be playful, not with me, anyway. I mean, we haven't had a good game in years!

"I see you!" he cried, and I felt something poke my left foot, so I instantly yelped and leaped right out of the haystack.

"Gotcha!" he popped right after me.

"Yipe!" I cried and leaped out of his reach, then leaped over to a roof support and to the other side of the barn, "Hah! Missed me!"

"Oh yeah?" he frowned and leaped after me.

"Eeep!" I cried and leaped down to the lower level, and ducked into the nearest haystack.

"Come back here!" Raph laughed and ran after me.

I kept jumping out of one haystack to the other, and Raph just kept following me, we kept that on, something like tag, and I even felt a few bade of sweat build on my neck while we laughed, our laughter actually echoed in the empty barn, if only a little. Raph actually looked cheerful, it was so unlike him. I then start taunting him, and he started getting upset, and I knew I had pushed him too hard when he decided to flush me out, by throwing his sai into the haystack, it missed my foot by a hair! When I leaped out of fright, that's when he lounged at me, and we wrestled a bit, he weren't angry, just annoyed.

Once he pinned me to the floor, he pinned my hands over my head, "Okay, bro. Fess up, what's eatin' ya?" his smile slowly fell as he asked in concern, "You've been moping around ever since we got here!" he grouched.

I avoided his gaze, "I dunno, Raph. Every time we come here, I start thinking of the time when we almost lost Leo." I admitted.

Raph eased off me, releasing my hands, now he pulled me up, and we both sat up straight on some hay, "That's what's been buggin' ya all this time?" he questioned.

I nodded, and then fiddled with the end of my bandanas.

"You're afraid of what would happen if we lost him?" he asked.

I nodded, "Well, yeah. I mean, life just won't be the same." I looked at Raph.

Raph looked mildly annoyed, "Look, Leo's a stubborn jackass, nothing's gonna get'em, believe me."

I snorted and rolled my eyes, "Oh, I'm more afraid of who's gonna take his place if anything happens." I eyed Raph mockingly.

Raph arched a brow ridge, once understanding my statement, he glared, "You think I don't make a good leader?"

"Not in a million years, Raph. Sorry." I shrugged indifferently.

"Why?" he growled.

"Well one, you're a hothead, two, you're always rushing into things, three you're too hotheaded to think things through, four you're too hotheaded to think of a plan, and five, you're just a crazy hothead!" I grinned.

Raph glared at me, not one bit amused, "And I assume you're qualified?"

"Why yes! I, the Champion of the Grand Battle Nexus, and the first mutant turtle on earth to partner Silver Sentry, am probably the only one worthy of such a delicate job!" I gloated.

I was met with silence, no mocking, no slap backside the head, nothing.

I opened my eyes and looked to where Raph was sitting, and I realized he was gone. I looked around the barn, and saw him standing at the barn's door, his hand holding the door with a tight grip, but soon his hand just slid down and lifelessly rested to his side, almost as if he admitting defeat. I watched him while he was watching snowflakes fall.

For a long moment, I just stared at him, it's not like him to just stand around silently, and not make a fuss or a fight over it, I was half wondering if I was pushing my luck, half concerned to have said something that had hurt him. Though Raph doesn't show it, he's really sensitive. Not that I'd tell him that to his face, I'd be digging my own grave, if I did.

"Raph?" I walked towards him, worried and concerned.

"Guess what, Mikey?" he said softly, not facing me, "Now that you mentioned it, I guess I am _indeed_ **un**qualified to be a leader." He blurt out, then began walking back towards the lodge, "Who knows, you _did_ beat me at Battle Nexus, so maybe you _are_ more qualified."

I watched him leave, all the way from the barn to the lodge. I felt something really cold sink in the depth of my stomach, and I suddenly felt awful guilty. I mean, Raph's a fighter, teeth and nails, it's not like him to just admit defeat to me, not like _that_! That only means that I said something that really hurt him! As much as I want to go in and see what kind of damage I've done, I was too afraid.

The reason we came to the farm this time wasn't because Leo got ambushed again, it was because master Splinter grew sick. Again, Foot soldiers were infesting the sewers, we couldn't get back to the lair, and we couldn't hide at April's apartment, and since its winter, we needed a safe, warm place to hide, so we retreated to the farm.

We've been here for about three days now, and we always seem to end up coming here during winter, I dunno why. I shook my head and decided to head back to the second floor's haystacks, it was getting chilly. Before I turned to leave, I saw Leo exiting the lodge, he was heading my way, so I slid the barn's door and let a good one foot space open.

"Hey, Mikey." Leo greeted me.

"Hey, Leo." I greeted back and when he stepped into the barn, I shut the door, the place was getting breezy.

"So, what happened between you and Raph?" he asked.

I froze, paused and stared at him, "Um, what do you mean?"

"Well, he looked kind of- hurt." He explained, his expression seemed a bit worried and uneasy, "Distracted, too."

I felt guiltier than before, I dropped my gaze to the floor, if my words did _that_ much damage, I really need to apologize soon. "Oh…"

He tilted his head, "Wanna talk about it?"

"I don't mind, lets just get our shells warm, first." I pointed to the haystacks.

Leo nodded and we ventured up to the second floor, we snuggled into the haystacks, and Leo was a bit surprised to feel how well they kept the heat. I sunk into the hay and Leo chuckled, I showed him my favorite spot, a little over the far corner of the barn where a small, circular window was, and it peeked out at the surrounding area, and star lit sky.

"This place is really nice." Leo smiled, he sunk in a little into the haystack, "You always come here, Mikey?"

I smiled sadly, "Yeah, when I wanna be alone."

His smile fell a bit, "I see, did Raph bother you or something?"

I shook my head, "No, he barely said much." I replied, "It's more like I'm the one who bugged him, though."

"Why? What did you do?" he propped an arm under his head to look at me.

"Well, we kinda started playing tag at start, but then Raph got annoyed when he couldn't get me." I smiled at Leo's bemused expression, "So then we started talking about leadership and stuff, and I, uh… I think I stabbed his pride." I rubbed the back of my neck, "He didn't beat me into a bloody pulp, it's a first."

"What exactly did you say?" he asked, now concerned.

"Well, I was joking, you know?" I began defensively, "I said that if there was ever the choice to pick a new leader, then I'm more qualified than him, because he's an irrational, hotheaded, thug-bashing nut, and I'm the talented, Battle Nexus champion, who beat him." I explained.

Leo sighed, "Mikey," he scolded softly, "you _know_ Raph gets really angry when you start gloating about Battle Nexus, but you're right, it's a first that he didn't kill you for it." He told, "It explains why he's looking hurt."

"I didn't mean it, dude. Honest." I argued, "I was just trying to push his buttons, you know?"

"I know, Mikey. I know." Leo smiled.

For a long moment, we just lazed back on the hay and chattered, Leo explained to me that master Splinter was just growing old, and it's normal for him to get sick more often, so I shouldn't worry. He said we just have to take care of him better. Still there was a hint in Leo's voice, it told me he was scared, too, but as the leader, he weren't allowed to show it. I felt a bit lost, leadership looks so easy, yet so hard.

"Hey, Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"What's it like, being leader?"

He stared at me, a dumbstruck, "What do you mean?"

"Well, you know? Leading us through battle, handling Raph's temper, my pranks, and stuff?" I began, "I mean, if it was ever forced that one of us takes your place, for some reason or another, who's more qualified?"

Leo eyed me wearily, "Like, when I was ambushed by the Foot?"

"Yeah! Between me, Raph and Donny, who's more qualified?"

"Well, Mikey,"

"Why, thank you! That was a pretty quick answer!" I laughed.

He rolled his eyes, smiling, "Would you let me finish?"

I just shrugged, grinning.

"What I was about to say, being leader isn't as easy as it seams, and to be honest with you, sometimes, I don't want to be a leader, and wish if I could just toss it to someone else." He explained, "But I can't! Because I'm the one held responsible over you three."

I stared, and arched an eye ridge.

"I mean with Raph constantly going topside to blow steam, he's giving the Foot something to hunt. You're always pulling pranks, getting Sensei on edge, not to mention Raph, too. Donny blowing up stuff in his lab, I dunno, it's hard to explain."

I nodded and let that piece of information sink in. I'm always pulling pranks on Raph, snapping his nerves, making him angry, then when he decided to beat me up, he always ends up breaking something and fighting with either Sensei, or Leo, he becomes so enraged, he just leaves the lair, hunts thugs with Casey, or gets ambushed by the Foot.

Sometimes Raph comes home with more bruises and scars than before, and he always ends up getting scolded again for it. Then there is Leo, who's constantly on Raph's case, they never do seem to get along, unless one of them is really hurt bad. I mean, Leo's the leader, but ever since we were kids, I remember Raph and I would chatter about how Raph would be like to be leader.

Raph's dream in leadership was shot down when Sensei announced Leo being leader, I think rivalry was one of the reasons Raph's so edge and angry. I mean, sometimes when we would go about and play hide and go seek in the sewers, Raph's always looking out for us when Leo's not around, and up until we were twelve, Leo and Raph barely fought as much as they do now.

"You know," I began, gaining Leo's attention, "I remember when we were younger, back at the old lair, Raph and I would kinda huddle in the old sewer tunnel. Do you remember the old drainage tunnel, a block away from the northwestern section?" I looked at Leo.

Leo nodded, "Yeah, it was like our hidden base when we'd _plan_ stuff, while Sensei isn't watching." He chuckled, "Turned out he knew about us all along, though." He sheepishly smiled.

I chuckled, "Yeah, well, anyway." I settled deeper into the haystack, "I remember Raph once told me, after our first scavenge hunt with Sensei, remember when we were like, what? Ten?"

"I think so. Sensei swore to never take the four of us at once ever since." Leo smiled.

"Yeah, when the guard at the junkyard almost cough Donny, while he was snooping around the electronics' heap, that really gave me the jitters. If Raph hadn't pulled him, he would've gotten flattened under all that trash."

"I though Sensei was the one to get Donny out?" Leo questioned.

"Nope, Raph shoved Donny, resulting in getting himself buried under the rubble, and Sensei dug out Raph." I explained, "Raph and Donny never told you?"

Leo shook his head, "No, after Donny scrapped his knee, Sensei just kept a lid on it."

I paused, "Anyway! Back to what I want to say, back at the old _base_ when we were younger, I remember Raph and I chattered about leadership."

Leo gazed back at the sky, but I knew he was still listening to me.

"He kinda knew Sensei would choose you, but yet, kept hope that he'd be chosen as leader," I told, smiled and looked at Leo, "he said if Sensei indeed chose him to be leader, than I'm gonna be his second in command."

Leo now looked at me, "You?" he said in what sounded like disbelieve.

"Yeah, me! Why? Don't I qualify?" I pouted playfully.

"No offence Mikey, you just don't act responsible enough to be second in command, or leader for that matter." He shrugged, "Raph's got the potential, actually, all of you do, except that you're a bit- well, no offence, too happy-go-lucky like! Raph's too hot headed, and Donny is easily distracted."

"Oh? And just like Raph says, you're perfect for the job?" I frowned, faking anger.

Leo sighed heavily, "No, I don't fit either, because I'm paranoid." He admitted, "Yet one of us had to take this job, and Sensei chose me." he explained, voice calm and soft, "And now, I hope to never fail him, because… I'm scared."

I stared, Leo's expression wavered a little, he gazed out at the starlit sky again, and I understood what he was trying to say. Now with Sensei growing sicker by the day, and more frequently, there is a pretty big chance we might lose him to one of those fevers or flues. I shivered a bit and huddled next to Leo, he just let me snuggle next to him, arm over my shoulder, pulling me closer, hugging, and we both sunk into the hay for more warmth.

"If Raph were leader," Leo spoke softly, "I think he'd learn to control his anger better. Maybe I can ask Sensei for permission to swap jobs every now and then?" he looked at me, "Would you want to try getting into my shoes, Mikey?"

My eyes widened, "I'd rather take that offer last, Leo. No thanks." I chuckled, "With all the chaos that ensues when you try to sedate Raph's anger, I don't want to be anywhere near your shoes!" I grinned playfully, "Besides, I bet they smell."

Leo chuckled, "Why? I thought you'd be more than excited to take my place."

"Yeah, when I was younger, now I changed my mind!" I pouted, "Taking your place is like joining the army, all work-work-work and no fun!" I pouted.

"Welcome to my world." He rubbed my shoulder.

"But seriously, Leo." I leaned against his side, and let our body heat warm us under the layers of hay, "Do I fit as a leader?"

Leo shrugged, "I think you might have what it takes, Mikey. I just don't know how long you'll last."

"We'll you've been leader ever since we were five, and you were literally assigned when we turned nine, so you've been our leader for more than twelve years." I explained, "Though I think Sensei just went easy on you, just up until we got to go out topside more often."

"True. Being leader isn't all fun, barking orders, like Raph says, it's more like keeping you three safe." Leo told, "Raph's the only one I don't understand, though. I bet he enjoys making me miserable."

"Nah, he just likes making your life more difficult." I grinned.

"Uh, very funny, Mikey." He rolled his eyes.

"What about Donny?"

"What about him?"

"Does he make a good leader?"

"Well, maybe for a while, but you know Don, he's easily distracted, and fighting just isn't his thing." Leo replied, he rested his head on mine, and gently rubbed my shoulder a bit, "As much as I know he can fend for himself just fine, I don't know if he can handle the job."

I snuggled closer to Leo, the warmth was making me sleepy.

"He's much too kindhearted, sometimes you need to make a quick life-or-death decision, and Don's the kind of turtle who needs lots of time before he decides on something, because he wants to study and weigh his options and such."

"Okay, so you think Raph is better?" I asked, my eyelids started dropping, but I tried myself to stay awake.

Leo rubbed my shoulder a little more and I felt him smile, "Yeah, I think Raph would make a grand second-in-command leader, and a good leader at that." he said, "He's strongly built, talented in ninjutsu, he's a fierce fighter, and he's protective of us, that and Sensei says he's _sensitive_, though I cant imagine Raph being sensitive." He mused, "Bet it might be worth watching, though."

"Yeah, like Casey says, anyone who hates kids and dogs can't be all that bad." I chuckled.

Leo chuckled, and then yawned, "Ah, I'm getting sleepy." He rubbed his eyes, "Maybe we ought to go inside, Mikey."

I yawned, "Good idea." I pushed myself up and accepted Leo's hand, pulling me up.

Stepping out of the haystack was regretful, because only then did we realize just how cold the barn was, so we quickly huddled closer and leaped down the first floor, ventured out to the snow and dashed to the lodge. Once inside, we were greeted with Donny, Casey and April, who were having hot chocolate. Sensei was napping on the couch, and Raph was next to him at the window.

I noticed that whenever we come into the lodge, Raph's always standing at the window, almost as if he's waiting for something, or someone, I dunno. Almost as if he's expecting something to happen, or someone to arrive, it's hard to explain. I eyed Donny offer Leo a blanket and a mug of hot chocolate, and Leo graciously accepted, while April offered me the same.

I accepted the blanket and hot chocolate, then walked over to Raph, I noticed he was staring idly outside, almost daydreaming, his face was a bit blank. I put my mug on the nearby coffee table, and flicked the blanket off me, I put it over Raph's shoulders. Startled, he jerked around to look at me, confused, I just smiled and offered him the hot chocolate mug.

'_I'm sorry about what I said, Raphie._' I apologized cutely, puppy-eyed apologies always work on him.

After a shot pause, he accepted it with a tentative sigh, '_Whatever._'

I grinned, usually that meant I was forgiven.

He took a sip and the smile that caressed his face made me feel a hell lot better.

I gazed outside and noticed the snowflakes were falling still, and I hate to admit it, but this window had quite the scene. A white blanket of snow, spread across the meadow with a few trees here and there, the fluffy white clouds were really pretty, adding patches of white and blue to the starlit sky. At the far distance we can see the farm's fence, boarding the edges of the land.

It was a lovely sight, I bet this place would look awesome in spring, with the trees blooming and all.

I Shivered, I was still a bit cold, so I decided to turn around and get myself warm next to April or something. Hot chocolate sounded and smelled very inviting, my stomach needs to be filled with something, as hungry as it is. Surprisingly, Raph startled me when he reached up and pulled me a little closer, an arm over my shoulder, now still standing, both tucked under the same blanket.

Body heat between us instantly stopped my body from shaking. His arm was hefty, that I had to admit, Raph had always been the most heavily built among the four of us. I looked at him, confused and startled, he didn't look at me, he just held on to me in a slight-hug and sipped on his hot drink. I blinked at the window's glass, and noticed Leo's reflection looking at me, I just smiled at his reflection, and he nodded faintly, acknowledging my gaze.

I grinned and snuggled closer to Raph, he eyed me wearily but didn't say anything, he then just smiled, and I smiled back.

Yeah we're brothers, a loving, caring family.

That's all I need to know.

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-END-

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A/N: Okay, I kinda felt that the Mikey, being the youngest, could use a little insight, and I do think he's qualified as a leader, if only he'd ease on the goof-ball character, not let it die, just push it back a little, is all. Hope you liked this.


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